I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
