I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
