We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
