I skipped work to stalk him.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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