So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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