I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
