Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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