but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
