You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Found the puke drawer
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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