My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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