I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
my poor anus
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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