Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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