I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
