I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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