So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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