I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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