He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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