im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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