I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
