Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
