JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't deserve a penis
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
