you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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