Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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