i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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