I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
