I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
