Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
