The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
