please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
