My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
