we have pet lesbian snakes
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
