Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
