If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
