She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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