if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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