Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
