dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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