I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize