i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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