I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
