Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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