i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Text me some of your sweat
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
