And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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