So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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