On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
