do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
