i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
