He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
