I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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