i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
