I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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