why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
