He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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