I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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