OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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