If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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