i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
