WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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