just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
