he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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