I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
