She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
