Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
