Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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