Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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