This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
