I think im going to throw up on grandma
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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