U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
