He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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