we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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