its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Boobs are out for the taking
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
