Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
