sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
