I just pynch a tree in the face
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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