She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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