did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
